What better thing to write about than the birth of my new nephew!! Yesterday the world welcomes into it Eli Lange Stamps!  Great job Matt & Althea!  Ya did good little sis.  Now the real work begins :=)

That’s really what I should do. What has me worried/somewhat distressed? My son’s interest in schoolwork, in particular reading and writing. Some of you know I have a largely useless degree in English, both in relation to my job (computer geek), and my writing (largely atrocious and riddled with errors). But I do love to read, and do so whenever I can.

This struggle mind you is in my head; on the outside I am nothing but supportive, calm and reassuring; on the inside I fight battles with myself over how I can best help him to learn. Over what things I can do to help him, and ways I can spark his interest in learning.

And what I realize is that its my own passion for reading that is fueling my desire for him to learn to read. I guess on some level I can’t wait for him to read. I loved to read as a child, and its something that I want to share with him.

Which is a great thing… but why is it driving me nuts? I guess it’s no different than potty training. It will happen in time, just don’t push it. The teachers in his school are on the ball, and he gets extra time with a reading teacher so he has the best that he can get with my tax money.

And I have to remind myself that he is six and his attention span is short. The truth of the matter, as it suddenly occurs to me while writing this is that I see his disinterest in studying as an echo of how I used to feel about schoolwork, and it worries me that he might end up having those same feelings.

In what can only be the wheel coming full circle I find myself thinking about cutting back on TV time and video games, yes.. I have become my parents. And it’s funny as hell.

Can play an essential part in the maintenance of a balanced view of the world and ourselves. That is my revelation for today. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t something that needs to be physical, or even something done to us by another person, but its necessary for balance.

When things go well we are happy, we are comfortable, and we get lazy. Think about that job you have, remember how on the edge you were at the beginning, how hard you pushed yourself no only for your boss’ benefit, but for your own.

Fast forward a few years, things have gotten routine, boring, safe. You come in to work, have your coffee, read some email, surf the web, get some more coffee, etc. until your entire day has become nothing but another carbon copy of the last. Before you know it your weeks start to blur and without even realizing it — you feel dead inside, a husk of the worker you once were.

Or, you go down another equally destructive path… You become narcissistic, cocky, flippant. Your work begins to degrade but you can’t see past the golden glow of your own worth that you have constructed around yourself. You end up fucking up because of your own hubris and find yourself out on your ass without a job.

Congratulations, it turns out that you are not that delicate and rare orchid that inspires people to wipe your ass and worship the ground you walk on, rather you are a mere dandelion — easily replaced by someone better, smarter and less expensive who hasn’t lost his or her hunger to succeed that you once had.

So how can you remedy this situation that is starting to spiral out of control. Simple solution — Slap yourself mentally. Write a note to your future self telling the future you to stop being an ass. Do whatever it takes, employ whoever you can, but get that slap.

Hell, just bookmark this post. It might help you in the future when and if you need it, why do you think I wrote this after all? For you? Yeah.. that’s it.

Ever get in a funk from time to time? I am generally a pretty easy going person, but from time to time I just get a little morose. And I know exactly what is fueling this feeling … Fear of being ordinary.

Fear that I am not a special flower destined to bloom and fill the world with wonder. Fear that there is nothing special about me, nothing that I am destined to excel at, or have others find desire to have. Fear that I am ordinary, borderline if not completely mediocre.

Every time I think about think maybe I will never be great at something, a bit or me dies. And its utterly stupid because I think I am a great father, and know its something I can do that will inspire confidence in my son which could in turn be what makes him excel.

Why isn’t that enough to sustain me? Its human nature I guess. Being a great father is a selfless job, something you do out of love, something that you don’t expect anything in return for.

And thats the crux of the matter really. Love is selfless, ambition and the desire for praise is self sustaining, mental masturbation if you will for our ego’s.

What I need to do is realize that even if I never accomplish anything else in this world other than being a great father, I will have accomplished more than any temporary praise or fame I might receive from lesser pursuits.

I work as a networking services supervisor, a job that lives and dies on its ability to keep systems up and running and in a state that can easily be recovered from in the event of failure. Why then did I take the most minimum of steps to prevent it from happening at home? I am a dumb ass that is why. No other explanation.

Funny thing is, when I talk to my associates only one of them has done more than I have by way of backup and recovery. Bah.

So the iMac downstairs took a crap, I have limited photo backup, and none of Karin’s stuff backed up. All my attempts to recover have come up with no indication that the hard drive even exists.

We ran the Apple hardware testing tool and it came back saying everything was fine, Karin is taking the iMac to a past co-worker who has access to some heavy duty tools to see if he has any better luck. Keeping my fingers crossed.