To look at me, you would never think I am a religious person. I am not going to lie, I have my vices. But I am trying to be a better person and given that we are all flawed, that is about as much as anyone can hope to do in this life.

The concept of forgiveness is probably the hardest one to come to terms with for me. By and by we come in contact with situations where it is relatively easy to forgive another person who has done us wrong. Someone scratched your new car, it was an accident, you are upset, but you get over it.

Someone says something inappropriate to you, but apologizes and while you don’t wipe the slate clean right away, over time you forgive and forget.

But what about the big things? Could I forgive a drunk driver who killed a loved one, could I forgive a murderer, a pedophile, a terrorist? These are the really big things that separate the men from the boys spiritually speaking. Could I do it? Can I in good faith call myself a Christian if I can’t answer yes to that question… the unfortunate thing is that I can’t have it both ways.

We can’t do what Christ teaches when its convenient to us. It doesn’t apply conditionally, just like God’s love isn’t given conditionally. I’d like to think I could forgive someone of any offense over time, the nature of that offense might take me a lifetime to get over, but I think I could do it. I hope I could do it.

I think the problem most Christians have when they think about this kind of extreme forgiveness is that we have a tendency to look to our own strength as a measure of what we can and cannot forgive. I think at some point a person realizes that they can give themselves over to God’s will, and rely on his strength and to get you through a tough time.

We all remember the poem about the footprints in the sand…

Footprints in the Sand

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,
“You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most, you have not been there for me?”

The Lord replied,
“The times when you have seen only one set of footprints in the sand,
is when I carried you.”
Mary Stevenson

Almost as difficult, maybe even more difficult is being able to forgive yourself. I myself find myself racked by guilt many times wondering if I truly am sorry for what I have done. To put it simply, I don’t feel like I should be forgiven, the guilt of knowing what I have done is there haunting me.

An insightful gent from an Alpha class my wife and I are attending said quite poignantly — “Guilt is one of the greatest tools the devil has at his disposal”. I believe that to be a true and accurate statement, guilt has the uncanny ability to make us feel unworthy of God’s forgiveness and pushes us away from him.

Sitting here, writing this, it all makes perfect sense. Of course I should let it go, be comforted that I have been forgiven… and yet, it just doesn’t work out that way when I find myself in that situation. I can only hope that time grants me something I else besides wiping away painful memories — wisdom.

To atheist Rob Sherman, its not enough to strike the word “God” from the public school system, books, pledges and architecture. Sherman has a bigger goal — the removal of all potential for “thoughts” about God.

At issue is the Illinois “Moment of Silence” law, or the (105 ILCS 20/) Silent Reflection and Student Prayer Act. as it is formally known. The law allows for an observance of a brief period of silence by all pupils in the classroom at the beginning of the school day.

The law specifically states that it is not to be conducted as a religious exercise, but rather an opportunity for silent prayer or reflection on the anticipated activities of the day.

And there is the rub, one word… prayer. Sherman seems fixated on the religious meaning of the word while overlooking the fact that it also has a secular meaning. A prayer can be defined as an earnest or urgent request or as an appeal for help.

Thankfully we don’t live in the Orwellian society of Sherman’s dreams where thoughts can be controlled and suppressed. Students are free to think about God, on the taxpayer’s dime no less, and this possibility for religious thought is enough to push atheists like Sherman into a state of secular zealotry.

Sherman himself describes the Act as using “legal trickery” to deny the obvious. Despite the fact that the Act clearly states that the period is not to be conducted as a religious exercise. Sherman insists that it is in fact a religious exercise.

I personally find it amusing that a man who has used legal loopholes and trickery in the past to force his beliefs on the public (Note to Sherman: before you say that you haven’t used legal loopholes, I just want to let you know that I am “insisting” that you did, so it must be the case despite what you say) is now cry foul when the same tactics are used to defuse his arguments.

Whats good for the goose is apparently not good for the gander. I would suggest that Sherman pray for a miracle. At this point this is really the only hope I can see him having of succeeding in his quest. Sadly, as an atheist Sherman, like his lawsuit doesn’t have a prayer.

When times are good. If things go your way, its easy to have faith in God. But when the shit hits the fan… that… is when your faith is really tested. Its human nature to want to blame something, someone for your misfortune.

All too many times we stand shaking our fist at the sky — Cursing God or what we perceive as an uncaring universe. We want something to blame. We need it. It gives us an anchor to hold onto — it keeps up from being consumed by the misery maelstrom threatens to suck us into the vortex of depression.

They say when it rains, it pours. Having just lost my sole surviving Grandfather, you would think heaping another loss onto my shoulders would be almost too much to bear.

But I don’t see my Grandfather’s passing as senseless, as unfair or even uncaring. He was ninety-two, he lived a full life. Listening to stories, seeing pictures of him in his younger years and knowing in my heart that it was in fact his time, does not cause me to rage against God.

It gives me pause to thank him for giving him a long life, a loving wife, and three great children. He had a fascinating life, and seeing him suffering as he was, death was a relief as much for him as it was for those who watched him wither away.

Its easy to have Faith when life is good…

Such a simple truth, and so easy to take for granted. As some may know my wife and I are in the process of adopting a little girl from China. The process is long and drawn out, more waiting that I ever thought I would have the patience for, and something that will not become a reality for several years.

What not everyone knows is that we felt moved to start a concurrent adoption for an eight year old Taiwanese girl. We want a bigger family and it looked like she would be the perfect fit for us. With three half siblings 20 minutes from us and as the closest family to apply for consideration, we thought our chances were very good.

The agency assured us that proximity to her siblings was very important. So we slowly began to hope with guarded hesitancy. Go through a number of failed fertility treatments and you quickly learn how to put armor around your heart as a protection measure.

What was five families, became three. We were among the three still under consideration. Additional questions were sent to us and another couple. Was it a good sign? Was it a bad sign? Anxiety began to build.

I would be lying if I said that I didn’t pray to God that we be chosen. We wanted her to be our daughter it seemed like destiny. After a month I received a phone call at work.

My wife Karin was on the phone, crying, sobbing. I knew instantly it was about Chia-Jung. We had not been chosen. We would learn that despite our location, Chia-Jung’s desire to be the youngest child had ultimately been the deciding faction. With a six year old son, we could not offer her what her heart ultimately needed.

Most shocking was the news that the family that was chosen was located in Michigan, over two and a half hours away. We felt a crushing blanket of depression descending upon us.

Its easy to have Faith when things go your way…

I found myself in a detached position. My normal reaction would be to apply blame to something, anything. To run out and curse God and the heavens. I have done it more times than I can remember. This time something was different inside me.

I can remember telling myself that God wasn’t punishing me, that I had a choice of how I could view this moment in life. I could see it as random, I could see it as payback for some sin, or… I could accept that it was part of God’s divine plan.

I actually found myself asking how I can use this event to serve God. Was that grace working within me? I don’t know if I will ever know. I chose ultimately to view it as part of God’s plan. Its a plan none of us can fathom, its a plan that to have comfort in requires one key thing — Faith.

Faith is easy when life is good. Faith is hard when life is hard. The question really comes down to this — How genuine is your faith?

I’ve spent a lot of years going through the motions. This may be the first time in my life when my faith has not faltered, when it was genuine.

92 Years
9.2 Decades
33,580 Days
805,920 Hours
48,355,200 Minutes
2,901,312,000 Seconds

How do we measure a man’s life? Is it enough to look at it in human concepts of time, or does none of this matter at all when we look at the bigger picture. What of a man’s contribution to society, his contribution to his family, his children’s children? Or is the ultimate measure his contribution to God? One of, if not the most in-measurable aspect of all?

I find that none of this matters to me right now as I contemplate what will end up being the last few days of my Grandpa’s life. He is 92. A man I never thought would succumb to age. Someone who taught me that “a fool and his money are soon parted,” and any number of other nuggets of wisdom.

And as I sat tonight looking at him in a coma, I felt not sad, but satisfied that he had lived a full life. That he had raised his children right, that he had stood by his wife’s side when she became wheelchair bound. I sat and prayed not for his recovery, but that his time he had left would be without pain.

I prayed for forgiveness asking for God to forgive his sins because he could not ask himself. All men have sin, no matter how good we might be, there is sin. So I prayed and asked for absolution. I asked that God let him shed his mortal coil and join him in his kingdom.

Its always easier for me when the person passing away has lived a full life. I know that my Grandpa has past the point of needing me, his path is set. My Father will be the one that can use my strength, and I will give it to him emotionally, physically and spiritually. Mourn not for the dead, they are in a better place. Mourn instead for the living, the heart aches and the soul cries out for the ones we have lost.

I am the proud owner of 20/20 vision. I didn’t always have it, and its not visual so you won’t see me training to be a fighter pilot, but the great iMac crash of 2007 has opened my eyes, we are no longer flying by the seat of our proverbial pants… we now have a backup plan.

Yup, daily backups to an external Firewire 400 drive and syncing to our new .mac iDisk, along with prompted monthly backups to CD/DVD should by God be enough to keep us safe. One can only roll the dice for so long before come up snake eyes.