To look at me, you would never think I am a religious person. I am not going to lie, I have my vices. But I am trying to be a better person and given that we are all flawed, that is about as much as anyone can hope to do in this life.
The concept of forgiveness is probably the hardest one to come to terms with for me. By and by we come in contact with situations where it is relatively easy to forgive another person who has done us wrong. Someone scratched your new car, it was an accident, you are upset, but you get over it.
Someone says something inappropriate to you, but apologizes and while you don’t wipe the slate clean right away, over time you forgive and forget.
But what about the big things? Could I forgive a drunk driver who killed a loved one, could I forgive a murderer, a pedophile, a terrorist? These are the really big things that separate the men from the boys spiritually speaking. Could I do it? Can I in good faith call myself a Christian if I can’t answer yes to that question… the unfortunate thing is that I can’t have it both ways.
We can’t do what Christ teaches when its convenient to us. It doesn’t apply conditionally, just like God’s love isn’t given conditionally. I’d like to think I could forgive someone of any offense over time, the nature of that offense might take me a lifetime to get over, but I think I could do it. I hope I could do it.
I think the problem most Christians have when they think about this kind of extreme forgiveness is that we have a tendency to look to our own strength as a measure of what we can and cannot forgive. I think at some point a person realizes that they can give themselves over to God’s will, and rely on his strength and to get you through a tough time.
We all remember the poem about the footprints in the sand…
Footprints in the Sand
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.So I said to the Lord,
“You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most, you have not been there for me?”The Lord replied,
“The times when you have seen only one set of footprints in the sand,
is when I carried you.”
Mary Stevenson
Almost as difficult, maybe even more difficult is being able to forgive yourself. I myself find myself racked by guilt many times wondering if I truly am sorry for what I have done. To put it simply, I don’t feel like I should be forgiven, the guilt of knowing what I have done is there haunting me.
An insightful gent from an Alpha class my wife and I are attending said quite poignantly — “Guilt is one of the greatest tools the devil has at his disposal”. I believe that to be a true and accurate statement, guilt has the uncanny ability to make us feel unworthy of God’s forgiveness and pushes us away from him.
Sitting here, writing this, it all makes perfect sense. Of course I should let it go, be comforted that I have been forgiven… and yet, it just doesn’t work out that way when I find myself in that situation. I can only hope that time grants me something I else besides wiping away painful memories — wisdom.
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