I think one of the greatest gifts of getting old is the ability to look back on your life and ponder why you acted a certain way or developed a certain habit or way of life. One of the things that I have noticed about myself is that I tend to be hopefully pessimistic about things.
That is to say that I am hopeful that things will go my way and work out, but prepared from the start for the very real possibility that it will fail. Looking back at the emotional roller-coaster that Karin and I rode for years trying to conceive, its no real shocker that I tend to hold this view.
I think its also a reason why I am so varied in my interests and hobbies. If I try something and hate it, I can just move onto something else. No pressure, no worry of failure.
Once in a while, everyone needs to step outside of their comfort zone. Today is my day. With the ever growing wait times in China, we decided to start a concurrent adoption for an eight year old girl from Taiwan named Chia-Jung.
We fell in love with her story and knew she was destined to be our daughter. So we applied to adopt her. We were one of five families under consideration. Yesterday we were told that they have narrowed the number of families down to three, and that we were one of the three.
They had additional questions for ourselves and one other family. What did this mean? Did they like the two who were asked more questions better than the one who did not? Or did it just mean that we needed to provide more information to match the one not asked? Maddening questions to contemplate. So, we provided our answers to the best of our ability and sent the paperwork off to be sent to Taiwan.
Normally I would try to not think about the process during the waiting period. I would assume that we would not be chosen, and prepare myself accordingly. Self, I say… SCREW THAT! I am going to hope and pray and wish and dream and invest myself emotionally with all of my will bent on the assumption that we will be chosen.
When or not we are chosen, I expect to be flooded by unbridled emotion. It will either by joy or grief, that much I know. What I refuse to do this time is wall myself off from the potential pain. All I have to say is…. You better bring it!
Tags: adoption, Assumption, china, Comfort Zone, Emotional Roller Coaster, Failure, Greatest Gifts, Habit, hope, Interests And Hobbies, karin, Love, Old Girl, optimism, Paperwork, Screw, Shocker, Taiwan, Waiting Period, Way Of Life, WorryYou must be logged in to post a comment.
